The House
by moriartsy
Summary: The Navidson house over on Ash Tree Lane has taken another victim. But don't be concerned, listeners; we'll all feel very silly for worrying about this when Zampanò and the others turn up unharmed. (Cecil does a broadcast about the Navidson house.)


_a/n: i posted this on tumblr a while ago and i intended to put it on FFN but only just got around to it. well. here you go. _

_oh. possible TW for mental illness, because during the 'word from our sponsors,' there are mentions of 'voices in your head.'_

* * *

_The __**House**_

a Night Vale Community Radio broadcast

* * *

_What miracle is this? This giant tree. It stands ten thousand feet high but doesn't reach the ground. Still it stands. Its roots must hold the sky. Welcome to Night Vale._

* * *

There have been several Missing Persons reports filed since the Navidson **house** over on Ash Tree Lane started renting out its guest room. Will Navidson, the owner of the **house**, initially claimed that the guests had paid and left before they went missing, but has since retracted that statement, only muttering that it was time for another exploration and that he needed to buy another lens for his camera. Navidson's wife, Karen, could not be reached for comment.

However, the mother of one of the missing was able to tell us that she and her 20-year-old son, Paolo Zampanò, had been guests in the Navidson **house** for several days while their own home was being fumigated for an infestation of carnivorous blister beetles. Mrs. Zampanò claims that she last saw her son disappear into a hallway in the Navidsons' living room, a hallway she described as being so cold, black, empty, and endless that she felt her very soul leaving her frozen body with every daunted breath she took.

But honestly, listeners, who doesn't have a hallway like that in their **house**?

If this humble commentator can give his opinion, I'll remind everyone that, just last month, Mrs. Zampanò blamed the local pharmacy for causing her son's blindness when in fact it was only due to the embalming-fluid eye-torture her son was submitted to after failing to pay a parking ticket. In any case, we shouldn't point fingers at our friends the Navidsons until we can ascertain the facts.

And now, a word from our sponsors:

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_Do the voices in your head nag you? Do they tell you what to wear and who to spend your time with? Do they complain that you don't pull your weight in this __**house**__, or that you haven't moved all day? Do they push every button, adding insult to injury until you just can't stand it anymore? Does their endless haranguing drive you to your wit's end? Are you desperate - completely, utterly, maniacally desperate - for a way to bring an end to their relentless and personalized form of psychological torture?_

_How about a Coke?_

_Enjoy Coca-Cola - Share a Coke with the voices in your head._

* * *

And that was a word from our sponsors.

New updates on the situation over at Ash Tree Lane: Mrs. Zampanò and the family members of the other four missing persons have urged the City Council to comment of the possibility of a serial kidnapper living in Night Vale. A short time ago, Mayor Pamela Winchell held a press conference in which she vigorously denied the presence of a serial kidnapper. She also denied the existence of the vitality-draining hallway that Mrs. Zampanò claimed to have seen in the Navidson **house**, saying that, quote, "the idea of an architectural structure being able to have such an effect on a person, being able to sink its long, black, jagged claws into someone, being able to rip a young man out of his own realm of existence and leave him to float deliriously through an unfamiliar dimension entirely beyond his comprehension until he finally succumbs to insanity and then death, is ludicrous." Unquote.

With that comforting assurance, it's time for the weather.

* * *

_a/n: i am not affiliated with joseph fink, or mark z. danielewski, or coca-cola. please don't sue me i have nothing_

_for any night vale fans who haven't read __**house**__ of leaves, every instance of the word '__**house**__' is bolded because in the book, every instance of the word '__**house**__' is written in blue. i am technologically inept and don't know how to make the font blue, so if anyone knows how, drop me a line._


End file.
